I promised her we will last forever…
She in turn asked me for a promise.
A promise which was the most difficult to keep..
She asked me to promise to let her go..
She asked me to promise that I would move on..
She asked me to promise that no matter what I’ll never look back
She asked me to promise that I would keep only this promise and none other.
It’s been a month since I’ve had no contact with her. Something which seemed impossible is happening. No texting , no calling , no stalking, nothing. But if I say ‘no missing’ then I’ll be lying to my self.
Here are a list of things which I always wanted to tell her.
But now??
Oops.
Anyway . I can post it here and hope she reads someday..
1)I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
2)I love your smile and I’ll do crazy things to put a smile on your face.
3)I envy all those who can keep u happier than me.
4)I don’t like it when u wear revealing clothes. Even if its just sleeveless. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop you from wearing what you like.
5)I find you the prettiest in Hijab.
6)I’ve never lust you .
7)I’ve always dreamt of spending a night with you. No. Not sex. Talking the entire night, playing ludo , listening to music, pillow fights, cuddles and hugs 🙂
8)I don’t like it when your mom keeps too little trust on me.
9) I have and will always choose your happiness over mine.
10) I cry when ever I write about you. I write about you very often.
11) When ever I am having an amazing time, I wish you were there along with me.
12) During family functions, I wish you would tag along. I’ll be proud to introduce you to my frnds nd family.
13) I miss your good mornings nd good nights.
14) Your smile can turn a crapy day amazing.
15) I love ur pictures. Ugly or beautiful. I just love them.
16) You not being there in my life makes me feel I am unworthy.
17) There are a million occasions when I’ve felt like kissing you.
18) I had planned our future together.
19) Unlike many people who say they don’t know when they fell in love, I know when did it happen.
20) I loved it wen I asked u to stop looking at a random guy in the mall and u immediately turned towards me, smiled and said you won’t.
21) I love when I talk dirty nd then u blush.
22) I love how you are simple and yet so classy at the same time.
23) I’ve Never heard a voice sweeter than yours.
24) I really really miss talking to you.
25) Every time you’re hurt. I am more hurt than you.
26) Love how every time I am able to read what’s in your heart.
27) Love how I am able to figure out when u lie to me .
28) Thank you for trusting me always.
29) I feel so good when u share all ur big and small secrets with me. Shows how much u trust me.
30) Love how you’ve respected me always.
31) It is really easy for me to talk to you no matter what the topic is about.
32) I love when u get angry and upset for silly reasons.
33) I want to hold your hand in public while v r walking.
34) I want to protect u from all sorrows.
35) It hurts when I see you cry.
36) Going away from u hurts. Isn’t easy for me.
37) I pray for you everyday.
38) It hurt when ur mom thought that in the end I’ll think only about myself and you said your mom was right.
39) With you I feel confident. Without u , insecure.
40) I love texting you while pooping.
41) Love when there are articles about best friends and we perfectly fit in.
42) I want to go on my knees in front of you and say Lovey Dovey things to you.
43) I love your feet. Yes I’ve noticed.
44) I notice you a lot more than u can ever imagine.
45) I cry wen u cry.
46) When there’s a special occasion in ur life, even I dress well that day.
47) You’re the most important lady in my life.
48) I love your childlike nature. People think it’s childish. I knw it is childlike.
49) Crazy fan of ur innocence.
50) I am the happiest when you’re happy.
51) When ever I feel I am falling out of love with you, I see you smile and back to square one.
52) When you are angry you say words which hurt. Harsh words. Be careful, someday you’ll loose someone special in your life due to it.
53) No one else can ever understand you as much as I do.
54) When u held my hand during the horror movie. I wished the movie would never end.
55) I love to eat or drink something which u just did.
56) While I was driving nd u wer seated behind. I wished that u would stick to me a little more.
57) When I was seated behind you and you wer driving, you spoke a lot. I listened to nothing. Was all lost in your fragrance. What perfume was that man !!!
58) After your bday I realised that I am no special in your life. You’ve a hundreds of others like me. But its the magic in you which makes me feel special. It’s the magic in you which makes everyone, anyone related to you feel that they’re special.
59) It’s been more than six months since I’ve watched a movie. The one which I watched with you was my last.
60) I try avoiding to pass by your collg. I miss You too much then.
61) I work too much. Always try to keep myself occupied. Bcz when I am idle, I miss you .
62) Every Sunday morning I visit places which we visited together. Alone. Sit there and think about us for sometime.
63) I left social media, not because of my insecurities as u think. I left because I detached myself to the outer world. I left because I wanted no one to come and tell u hurtful things because of me. I left because I knew I had you and so I wouldn’t be needing more friends. Now that you’ve left as well. I feel lonely.
64) I maintain a distance from you because your mom had to hear so much from someone because of me. You where too hurt that day. I cannot see you getting hurt.
65) I like when u wear traditional clothes.
66) I love seeing straight into your eyes.
67) Just seeing you makes my day.
68) Love how you’re honest with me about anything and everything.
69) When I told you I’ve moved on, Lie. I miss you.
Love You. xo
After blocking Her and deciding to move on.
He noticed that the heart which He sent Her on whatsapp is still Beating .
And one day someone’s going to come and hug you so tight that all those broken pieces of your heart are going to gel back together.
And from that day my love, you will start radiating love all around you.
For those of you who have read my post family#2 , this post is also going to be a lot personal so please excuse me for that.
So she did read . She told me it’s touching . ‘Your post. I’ve clinged to me. A lot’
Is what she said.
‘I’m gonna go someday .
And it’s going to be really hard for you’
She said.
‘You’ll be married someday.
You’ll have a wife.
You’ll have to give her your everything.
And if I’m around
You can’t.
I know you well
You’re too emotional
Not good at moving on’
(Then don’t leave no. I said, inside my head)
She cares about me. A lot.
How much I love that about her.
But isn’t she spoiling the moment by thinking about what might happen (or might not) tomorrow?
Anyway. We’ve decided we wouldn’t be talking anymore.
God. I’m going to miss her.
But life happens.
It is not that this is the first time we have stopped talking to each other.
This has happened previously as well.
A lot of times.
And every time something brings us back together. The bond stronger than ever before.
I was hoping something would bring us back together this time as well.
But she was straight and clear.
‘Don’t expect too much. You’ll be disappointed’ she said
‘You’ll disappoint me? ‘ I asked
‘Yes’ she said without any second thoughts.
I’ve a lot of things which I have to thank her for. I did not get a chance to do that.
I had no idea that something like WordPress existed.
She took the burden to create me a website.
Thought of a cool blog name.
Designed my blog. Cover picture.
So thank you, for all that time and effort :*
For the million of times when she chose me over everyone else. That is the best feeling in the world. Sometimes all you want is knowing that you’re the first to someone. Thank you.
For when you stayed by me when sticking on got really difficult and moving away was an easy option. Thank you.
For taking a stand for me when people around spoke shit about me. Best friends always do that and that is what you exactly did.
Thank you.
For all those priceless memories which I am going to cherish for the rest of my life. Thankyou so much.
I love you oceans.
I also have to apologise to you for a lot of things. But I wouldn’t do that. Because for doing that I’ll have to bring up the past and then both of us are going to weep plenty.
I am sorry sweetie :* (Simple and Neat)
So now that things are done and dusted. Here are some of the things which I’ve learnt from all this.
*None of us are to be blamed if it doesn’t work out. Life happens. Can’t help.
* FOREVER is a Myth. Nothing is permanent. I’m going to stand by you sounds fine to me. I’m going to be by your side forever makes me Lol.
Promising someone to be by their side for ever is a promise which is made only to be broken.
* If its meant to be, it’ll be.
And if it is not, it won’t.
I know this feeling when every time I saw her I felt like she’s the one.
Her eyes. Her smile. Her tantrums. Her anger. Her voice. I love.
And when she’s seated right in front of me and talking, I get so lost in admiring her (also bcz most of the time she’s talking about these girly stuffs and it gets really boring. But she would be all excited to tell and I love that. So I don’t complain)
Then she catches me not listening to her and gets mad at me. Tells me she’ll never tell me all her ‘personal’ stuffs anymore. I’ll then have to convince her that I was listening. Just not paying enough attention.
So then she starts from the beginning again (Oh God, No!)
I knowwww, I am deviating from the topic.
So, sometimes you just feel the person is the one for you. So you try hard. Really hard. And when it still doesn’t workout you’re not ready to accept a ‘No’ because you feel he/she is the one and there can be no one as perfect as them, for you. But Fate Wins. In the end what’s written in the destiny is what is going to happen.
So Bro, stop blaming yourself if it doesn’t work out .
* Happy endings are meant to be only for the yash raj films.
Be realistic. You cannot go to her house during her marriage and Woo Her heart and Her entire family.
* In the process of loving someone, DO NOT FORGET that you’re the most important person in your life.
Do love them.
Respect? Yes, absolutely.
Gifts? Hell yeah !
Do anything which you can to keep your significant other happy. Because they’re worth it.
But not at the cost of losing your self-worth.
* Be sure of who you’re expressing your feelings to. Not everyone is going to respect them. Not everyone is going to safeguard them. Not everyone is going to reciprocate
Some are going to ignore.
Some are going to make fun.
And some will go to the extent of playing with .
* When you cannot figure out when is the right time to leave, then probably NOW is the right time.
* Do not build goals around people. Do not make one person the center of your entire life. Because when they leave, which they will ; you’ll not be able to figure out your purpose for life. Which makes living difficult. Which makes you wonder what to wake up for the next morning. Which stops you from giving your best into the things you do.
You’re just living, but you’re not alive.
* No matter what, life has to go on.
Yes. The Sun isn’t going to stop itself from rising tomorrow because I feel like sleeping longer. Have to pull myself back together as soon as possible.
* Go for the one who loves you than for the one who you love. There is this saying which is stuck in my mind since long ‘ I lost diamonds while I was busy collecting stones ‘
Sometimes you’re too involved in loving a person. That you ignore the world around. You ignore all the other people who love you. To whom you’re the dearest. You choose that one person above all. Above everyone. It feels like a dream.
Then that person leaves.
Which wakes you up.
Which makes you come out of your dreamy world and then the reality strikes.
You wonder Wtf where you doing with your life all this while.
And then all you’re left with regrets and memories 🙂
I promise. The next post is going to be different. It’s not going to be a ‘me crying all the time’ post.
And to you Miss.
Please do not take any of the things which I’ve written to your heart.
Little bit of regrets. But no grudges.
Not your fault. Not mine.
Love you oceans :*
The last time when I spoke about my family. I thought I had covered everyone. But I had missed writing about a very important person. Someone who doesn’t have a blood relation with me. Someone who wasn’t gifted by God to me. Someone who I Chose to be a part of my family.
My Girl Best Friend.
It’s been several years now. Having a best friend of the opposite gender is always something special.
Love without complications?
Then love your best friend.
She is the only female friend who all my male friends know about. It’s not that I go up to them and tell them about her. ( I would love to do that Bcz I am so proud of having her as my bestfrnd. But I don’t ) But I spend most of my time with her, so its but natural that all my other friends know about her.
My parents know about her really well. When I tell my mom that I m going out with friends and do not reply to her ‘which friends are you going out with’ ( i have various groups, school , college, educational courses, other courses) then she understands its Her.
When I ask my Dad for a couple of hours of break at work to hang out with friends , He understands its Her. (Because I DO NOT prioritize my friends over work. But she’s special )
I have her Mom’s number. I talk random stuffs with her mom. She’s very kind hearted and a really calm person. Her mom knows when she comes out with me. May be she trusts that Her daughter is safe when she is with me. May be. May be not. Who cares. It is She alone who matters to me.
Life felt perfect when she was around.
The Zero awkwardness. Inside talks. Dirty jokes. Unlimited laughter. If I can be nothing but my self with someone then it is with Her.
Shity day and then talking with her for sometime before going to sleep made everything alright. I am the happiest when with Her. I’ve learnt so many things from her. So much of what I am today is because of her.
And then . .
I fell in love with her.
Oops.
So, we were returning back home after an amusement park trip. No, both of us did not go alone. Me and few of her cousins. All of us were really tired after the entire day’s fun and madness. Rest of them were sitting in the front seats. Me and Her were sitting at the back. Behaving like none of them exist.
So this is when I felt she’s the one . . .
I was listening to music and relaxing as I was really tired. She was resting as well, right beside me.
All of a sudden something strikes me and I pinch her and wake her up.
Her- what the hell is wrong with you. Why would u pinch me so hard while I am sleeping?
Me- I want you to listen to something, pleaseeee. ( I give her one side of my ear phone)
Her- okay fine , give it to me.
I play ‘Be with you’ by Akon then..
Half way past the song and I hold her hand tight. She looks at me and smiles.
I start singing along.
‘ You are my everything
In my life see the joy you bring
Ain’t no one I can compare you to.
And I know, that you will never walk away from me no matter what
That’s why I plan to do the same thing for you.
And I want you to know
That I don’t care what they say
And I don’t care what they do
I am gonna Be with you ‘
When the song ends. She whispers into my ear ‘that’s really sweet of you..’
The dim car light.
Breezy weather.
Me and Her alone in the back seat.
I tell her ‘this is the perfect time for our first kiss, I’ve seen it in movies’
Her- Shut up. Don’t dream too much.
Me- I miss my ex girlfriend. If she was here she would have kissed me.
*Boom*
She slaps me.
I’ve been slapped a lot by my teachers during my school. By not as hard as she did.
Her- You’ve wasted a lot of time of your life behind her. Now don’t you dare even think about her.
Me- okay. You could have even told that politely.
Her- okay I am sorry.
*She rubs my cheek and gives me a peck on my cheek*
* I smile the widest *
Long story short.
I fell in love with her.
She did not.
Friendzoned -.-
Slowly we started distancing ourselves from each other .
Awkwardness started creeping in .
And now we have reached a point when we do not even talk to each other .
A part of me does not exist anymore.
A side which only came out when she was around.
She went to this ice cream parlor which had a picture of a cow.
And then she decides she’ll call me ‘Moo’
And when someone else calls me by that name she says ‘only I can’
I never wanted to leave.
But the time when I realised, she’s more happier without me than when she’s with me.
I knew it’s time to leave.
At the end of the day all I wanted was, her to be happy.
I know she’ll read this.
I know, the moment she reads she’ll know it is Her who I am talking about.
I do not want us to end because of unspoken words.
Because of unexpressed feelings.
I miss You .
I miss Us.
A Lot.
Always Yours.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that the person should reciprocate the same. You should be worthy enough of his/her love. Deserving enough. May be an example will explain things better.
You and your loved one are crossing a road. Suddenly out of no were a truck hits her. People gather around and start rushing her to the hospital.
Wait ! Whaaaat !
Why to the hospital?
Are those people freaking crazyyy !
The doctor doesn’t love her more than you do.
How’s the doctor supposed to treat her wounds better than you..
You love her the most.
So they should bring her to you right?
Obvio.
You love her so much.
Your love is going to heal all her wounds and save her life.
Wow.
Sometimes sarcasm explains things better.
# The picture has to do nothing with the post. But it’s really hilarious, isn’t it ? xD
I always knew what I wanted to do in life. I have always worked hard for it. I still do. One life. One chance. I want to make it to what I’ve always dreamt of..
Until Today..
So today, I was returning back from work and my bike gets punctured and so I had to come back by Bus..
When I was waiting at the bus stop. I see an old man. He was waiting for his bus to return back home as well. He was lean and weak. Holding a stick in his hand to support him while walking. Wearing a Ear machine to help him hear better. He wore Huge specs. I presumed He had difficulty in seeing too.
After waiting for a couple of minutes , a bus arrived. Having problems with looking for the Bus number He asked me ‘Beta(Son) will this bus go to Broadway’ (i suppose that is were he lived). I informed Him that this wasn’t the right bus for him and I’ll let him know when his bus arrives.(Both of us had to board the same bus)
After a few minutes our bus arrived. I informed Him and we both boarded the bus together. There were only two empty seats in the center of the bus and so I sat there along with him.
He casually engaged in a conversation with me by asking for my name, which city am I from, what work I do and other such questions. Being really tired after the day’s work and pushing my bike up till the mechanics garage I replied to all his questions in a very disinterested manner. He understood my discomfort and restrained himself from talking any further.
After around 10mins I realised I had been rude to Him. I realised that He’s quite elder to me and I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that. I apologized to him for my rude behaviour and explained to him how my bike got punctured and so I was really tired and wanted to sit peacefully for sometime. He gave me a warm welcoming smile and said He completely understands . He told me that his Son used to talk to him in the same manner when He asked his Son about His day at school once he returned back home.
Engaging in a conversation with him , I came to know that He was an Only Parent.
He had a Son and a Daughter.
Daughter married and Settled in Dubai. Son Married and Settled in US.
He lived all alone.
Waking up by himself.
Preparing his own meals.
Washing his clothes.
Cleaning his house.
Travelling to work in the crowded buses.
Having a rough day at work and then coming back by himself.
Preparing dinner.
Washing the vessels.
And then sleeping all alone.
Loneliness.
I feel scared even thinking about this.
It’s been ages since He had gone for an outing.
Imagine this being the routine for someone for years together.
Wouldn’t you wish death rather than living a life like this.
He told me his son sent him loads of money at every month end. But those were of no use to him.
He told me his son loved him.
He wanted him to come and live along with him. But his visa wasn’t getting approved.
He told me his only hope for living was that someday his son would come back along with his grand children and in his last days he”ll live his life like he always wanted to. With his family.
Like Always. Hundreds of questions started running through my mind.
He was still talking to me.
But I was too engrossed into my thoughts to listen to him any further.
I held his hand tight.
Why dose He have to go through all this at this stage of his life?
Did He give too much of liberty to His children?
All His fault was that he loved his children so much that He worked for them the entire life without expecting anything in return?
All His life. Being an only parent shouldn’t have been easy.
Truth Always Triumphs. Doesn’t it?
He was still smiling. Still full of life.
Wouldn’t He be regretting working all his life and in the end he’s left with nothing.
Should I say that his children are cold hearted or am I too quick to judge them?
Four years of bachelor’s. Two years of master’s. Three years of work experience. Exploring the world. Meeting new people. Seeing new places. That is what my plan was.
I sit there. Silent. Numb.
What would have I went through if my parents left me when I was in 3rd grade.
If they come back to me after 10 years. Tell me they were busy making a future for themselves.
Will I ever be able to accept them back? Forgive them for what they’ve done?
Then why does this seem to be perfectly alright when I wanting to do the same with them?
I remembered how when I was young, my Dad will skip his breakfast to drop me to school so that I reach in time.
Made sure I got educated in the best school.
Protected me.
Worked hard. Really hard. So that all my little and big wants can be fulfilled.
I remember how my teacher made a dozens of complaints about me at the parents meet. He heard all of that. With a smile.
My Dad. My Superhero.
My Mom. Mom 💝
What hasn’t she done for me.
The first person to wake up in the morning. Make sure I have my meals three times a day. Staying up until I reach back home safely.
Always keeping me in her prayers.
If there is God on earth. Then it is Her.
I am sorry Mom, for the times I had second you for those plastic friends of mine.
After college they’ve all vanished Mom.
But you did not.
You have always been there for me Mom.
I’ve no words to thank you for that.
I am sorry Mom for every time I lost my temper and raised my voice against you.
I am sorry Mom for being so busy at growing up that I forgot that you’re growing old.
I had lost my direction Mom. I am sorry..
My Brother.
Me and my Brother studied in the same school. I remember how when I was young I had hurt myself while playing football at school.
How my brother lifted me up and hurried me to the hospital.
Brought my school bag and my lunch to school for the next month and a half. Wrote my notes. Did my assignments. Having an elder brother. Blessing. Greatest blessing.
I can always see tears in my Mom’s eyes when I spoke about going abroad. Spoke about getting my admission forms. Booking my tickets. Getting new clothes.
But she never spoke about it. No matter what she felt from the inside, she never told a word. She always kept a smile on Her face. For my happiness.
My Dad. He went numb when He realised this was my last week at work with him, and then I’ll be gone.
We left for work together.
Ate our lunch together.
Came back home together.
Our days weren’t complete without each other.
When I was younger I wasn’t that close to my Dad. But after joining him at work, he’s become my Best Friend.
My Brother.
We are like two bodies one soul. He did all what he could do for me.
He gave me a smile every time I spoke about leaving him and going after my dreams. Some were deep inside him, He wanted me to stay.
I sit there as my tears raced out of my eyes. What was I about to do. The most stupidest thing I could’ve ever done in my life.
I look around and I notice that the Old man had left. The bus had went way ahead the stop in which I had to get down. I collect myself back together and take a cab to get back home.
I reached back home. I had a choice to make. And my choice was obvious. Those tickets. Those forms.
I burnt them all. Without any second thoughts.
Yes I want my dreams to come true someday.
Yes I want to live the life which I’ve always imagined.
But today I realised, that we are in this together. There is strength in unity.
Success brings you money, status and fame. But Happiness comes only when you have your dear ones along with you to celebrate that success with you .
Success without family is like You Winning the player of the tournament. But your team losing.
I thank God for making me realise all this in the right time.
Before its too late ..
Before its too late and all I m left with is, Regrets..
If this post can bring one child closer to His/Her family. Then it is victory for me.
Thank you for taking out your time and reading this.
I hope you all have a successful life.
Keeping your dreams close to your heart and your dear ones Closer..
If you cannot see someone else keeping her happier than you do, then it isn’t love.
If you really love her then Her Happiness is what that’ll matter to you.
Love to me is sacrifice.
Love to me is how much you can give without expecting in return.
Love to me is always the one which is unconditional.
Love to me is either giving your everything or nothing.
When you love someone you will let them Go. Let them go to what makes them feel Happy..
Let them go if they no longer want to stay.
Don’t try to talk that person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. Let them Go.
When You Love Someone, You Let them Go..
Touch of Fresh Air 