Forever A Myth.

Dear BestFriend, 

Thank you for leaving me. 

Thankyou for setting youself free from the imprisonment of the love of our friendship. 

Because I know what it feels like. 

I know what it feels like to be caged in your love. 

And knowing you as a person, I know you would never be able to live caged. 

And every morning I try to be like you. 

I try to be free and fly,  but in vain..

Try to fly away from you.. 

To fly, to what makes me happy.. 

Forgetting that my search for happiness will bring me back to you.. 

Dear BestFriend, 

Thankyou for teaching me the most important lesson of my life.. 

Forever A ‘Myth’ . 

#Her

I promised her we will last forever…
She in turn asked me for a promise.

A promise which was the most difficult to keep..

She asked me to promise to let her go..

She asked me to promise that I would move on..

She asked me to promise that no matter what I’ll never look back

She asked me to promise that I would keep only this promise and none other.

Reminiscence

​It’s been a month since I’ve had no contact with her. Something which seemed impossible is happening. No texting , no calling , no stalking, nothing. But if I say ‘no missing’ then I’ll be lying to my self.

Here are a list of things which I always wanted to tell her.

But now??

Oops.

Anyway . I can post it here and hope she reads someday..
1)I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

2)I love your smile and I’ll do crazy things to put a smile on your face.

3)I envy all those who can keep u happier than me.

4)I don’t like it when u wear revealing clothes. Even if its just sleeveless. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop you from wearing what you like.

5)I find you the prettiest in Hijab.

6)I’ve never lust you .

7)I’ve always dreamt of spending a night with you. No. Not sex. Talking the entire night, playing ludo , listening to music, pillow fights, cuddles and hugs 🙂

8)I don’t like it when your mom keeps too little trust on me.

9) I have and will always choose your happiness over mine.

10) I cry when ever I write about you. I write about you very often.

11) When ever I am having an amazing time, I wish you were there along with me. 

12) During family functions, I wish you would tag along. I’ll be proud to introduce you to my frnds nd family.

13) I miss your good mornings nd good nights.

14) Your smile can turn a crapy day amazing.

15) I love ur pictures. Ugly or beautiful. I just love them.

16) You not being there in my life makes me feel I am unworthy.

17) There are a million occasions when I’ve felt like kissing you.

18) I had planned our future together.

19) Unlike many people who say they don’t know when they fell in love, I know when did it happen. 

20) I loved it wen I asked u to stop looking at a random guy in the mall and u immediately turned towards me, smiled and said you won’t. 

21) I love when I talk dirty nd then u blush.

22) I love how you are simple and yet so classy at the same time.

23) I’ve Never heard a voice sweeter than yours.

24) I really really miss talking to you.

25) Every time you’re hurt. I am more hurt than you.

26) Love how every time I am able to read what’s in your heart.

27) Love how I am able to figure out when u lie to me .

28) Thank you for trusting me always.

29) I feel so good when u share all ur big and small secrets with me. Shows how much u trust me.

30) Love how you’ve respected me always.

31) It is really easy for me to talk to you no matter what the topic is about.

32) I love when u get angry and upset for silly reasons.

33) I want to hold your hand in public while v r walking.

34) I want to protect u from all sorrows.

35) It hurts when I see you cry.

36) Going away from u hurts. Isn’t easy for me.

37) I pray for you everyday.

38) It hurt when ur mom thought that in the end I’ll think only about myself and you said your mom was right.

39) With you I feel confident. Without u , insecure.

40) I love texting you while pooping.

41) Love when there are articles about best friends and we perfectly fit in.

42) I want to go on my knees in front of you and say Lovey Dovey things to you.

43) I love your feet. Yes I’ve noticed.

44) I notice you a lot more than u can ever imagine.

45) I cry wen u cry.

46) When there’s a special occasion in ur life, even I dress well that day.

47) You’re the most important lady in my life.

48) I love your childlike nature. People think it’s childish. I knw it is childlike.

49) Crazy fan of ur innocence.

50) I am the happiest when you’re happy.

51) When ever I feel I am falling out of love with you, I see you smile and back to square one.

52) When you are angry you say words which hurt. Harsh words. Be careful, someday you’ll loose someone special in your life due to it.

53) No one else can ever understand you as much as I do.

54) When u held my hand during the horror movie. I wished the movie would never end.

55) I love to eat or drink something which u just did.

56) While I was driving nd u wer seated behind. I wished that u would stick to me a little more.

57) When I was seated behind you and you wer driving, you spoke a lot. I listened to nothing. Was all lost in your fragrance. What perfume was that man !!!

58) After your bday I realised that I am no special in your life. You’ve a hundreds of others like me. But its the magic in you which makes me feel special. It’s the magic in you which makes everyone, anyone related to you feel that they’re special.

59) It’s been more than six months since I’ve watched a movie. The one which I watched with you was my last.

60) I try avoiding to pass by your collg. I miss You too much then.

61) I work too much. Always try to keep myself occupied. Bcz when I am idle, I miss you .

62) Every Sunday morning I visit places which we visited together. Alone. Sit there and think about us for sometime.

63) I left social media, not because of my insecurities as u think. I left because I detached myself to the outer world. I left because I wanted no one to come and tell u hurtful things because of me. I left because I knew I had you and so I wouldn’t be needing more friends. Now that you’ve left as well. I feel lonely.

64) I maintain a distance from you because your mom had to hear so much from someone because of me. You where too hurt that day. I cannot see you getting hurt. 

65) I like when u wear traditional clothes.

66) I love seeing straight into your eyes.

67) Just seeing you makes my day.

68) Love how you’re honest with me about anything and everything.

69) When I told you I’ve moved on, Lie. I miss you.

Love You. xo

Reminiscence.

She: I miss Him already

Me: Don’t worry, things will be alright soon

She: There’s nobody to tell my stories to

Me: I am there 🙂

She: Nobody to call for little things.

Me : You can call me..

She: But You are not Him.

Then there was silence.

I felt like someone had pierced my heart with a dagger.

But all I did was to smile at her 🙂

To her those were just five words.

To me those five words told a hundred things.

No matter how hard you try to make a place for your self in my heart, you’ll fail.

Bcz You are not him..

We can be nothing more than friends.

Bcz you’re not him..

No matter how much you love me. I’ll always second you.

Bcz you are not him..

What if you’ve been with me all these years. Someday someone special will come and then I’ll behave like you don’t even exists, bcz you are not him..

I am sorry. I cannot love you, Bcz you’re not him.
You know, this isn’t the first time when you’re choosing someone over me.

It happened once previously as well.

I am sure you remember it very well..

One day. I saw your profile going blank. No status. No Dp. No last seen. I was worried for you , like always. Your mood swings get u too upset at times. Sent u a few texts, no reply. I prayed for you like always and I was off to sleep.

Next day, I did not get a reply frm you for my good morning text. A lot more worried. Waited the entire day. I cannot go a day without talking to you. I called u that night. You disconnect. Tried once again. You Disconnect.

Felt like something was seriously wrong. No matter what it is , you never let my calls go unanswered.

Prayed for a little longer that night.

Couple of days passed by and there was no reply from you. I was really worried now.

Then one day I met a common friend of ours.

Was generally scrolling her wahtsapp contacts.

I see your profile.

There was a Dp. A status. It looked like there’s nothing wrong with you.

You were all okay and happy.

Without me.

My absence made no difference. My heart ached really bad. Tears rolled down my eyes. Everything went blank. I felt so stupid. For trusting you. Blindly. I trusted you so much that never even once did I think that your profile looked blank for so many days because u had blocked me. Kept calling you like a fool . Prayed and prayed for nothing at all. 

Rushed to the rest room. Splashed some cold water on my face and went back home. 

I wept untill the sunrise that night.

 What went wrong. What was my mistake. So many years of frndship and this all of a sudden. I realised what betrayal is that night.

 Everything in my life Changed . 

Life without you felt completely wrng. I felt lost.

 I felt lonely.

 I had decided that I’ll try no more to contact you.

 Neither did I ever try to know the reason behind you doing all this. 

It was over I felt.

It Hurt.

 Really bad. 

Everyday. Every time. 

It still does.

 I felt so unworthy.

There were questions which pricked me.

And now when people ask why don’t I trust anyone…

I just Smile 😀

What Happened after She Read The Post.

For those of you who have read my post family#2 , this post is also going to be a lot personal so please excuse me for that.

So she did read . She told me it’s touching . ‘Your post. I’ve clinged to me. A lot’
Is what she said.

‘I’m gonna go someday .
And it’s going to be really hard for you’
She said.

‘You’ll be married someday.
You’ll have a wife.
You’ll have to give her your everything.
And if I’m around
You can’t.
I know you well
You’re too emotional
Not good at moving on’
(Then don’t leave no. I said, inside my head)

She cares about me. A lot.
How much I love that about her.
But isn’t she spoiling the moment by thinking about what might happen (or might not) tomorrow?

Anyway. We’ve decided we wouldn’t be talking anymore.
God. I’m going to miss her.
But life happens.

It is not that this is the first time we have stopped talking to each other.
This has happened previously as well.
A lot of times.
And every time something brings us back together. The bond stronger than ever before.
I was hoping something would bring us back together this time as well.

But she was straight and clear.
‘Don’t expect too much. You’ll be disappointed’ she said
‘You’ll disappoint me? ‘ I asked
‘Yes’ she said without any second thoughts.

I’ve a lot of things which I have to thank her for. I did not get a chance to do that.
I had no idea that something like WordPress existed.
She took the burden to create me a website.
Thought of a cool blog name.
Designed my blog. Cover picture.
So thank you, for all that time and effort :*

For the million of times when she chose me over everyone else. That is the best feeling in the world. Sometimes all you want is knowing that you’re the first to someone. Thank you.

For when you stayed by me when sticking on got really difficult and moving away was an easy option. Thank you.

For taking a stand for me when people around spoke shit about me. Best friends always do that and that is what you exactly did.
Thank you.

For all those priceless memories which I am going to cherish for the rest of my life. Thankyou so much.
I love you oceans.

I also have to apologise to you for a lot of things. But I wouldn’t do that. Because for doing that I’ll have to bring up the past and then both of us are going to weep plenty.
I am sorry sweetie :* (Simple and Neat)

So now that things are done and dusted. Here are some of the things which I’ve learnt from all this.

*None of us are to be blamed if it doesn’t work out. Life happens. Can’t help.

* FOREVER is a Myth. Nothing is permanent. I’m going to stand by you sounds fine to me. I’m going to be by your side forever makes me Lol.
Promising someone to be by their side for ever is a promise which is made only to be broken.

* If its meant to be, it’ll be.
And if it is not, it won’t.
I know this feeling when every time I saw her I felt like she’s the one.
Her eyes. Her smile. Her tantrums. Her anger. Her voice. I love.
And when she’s seated right in front of me and talking, I get so lost in admiring her (also bcz most of the time she’s talking about these girly stuffs and it gets really boring. But she would be all excited to tell and I love that. So I don’t complain)
Then she catches me not listening to her and gets mad at me. Tells me she’ll never tell me all her ‘personal’ stuffs anymore. I’ll then have to convince her that I was listening. Just not paying enough attention.
So then she starts from the beginning again (Oh God, No!)
I knowwww, I am deviating from the topic.
So, sometimes you just feel the person is the one for you. So you try hard. Really hard. And when it still doesn’t workout you’re not ready to accept a ‘No’ because you feel he/she is the one and there can be no one as perfect as them, for you. But Fate Wins. In the end what’s written in the destiny is what is going to happen.
So Bro, stop blaming yourself if it doesn’t work out .

* Happy endings are meant to be only for the yash raj films.
Be realistic. You cannot go to her house during her marriage and Woo Her heart and Her entire family.

* In the process of loving someone, DO NOT FORGET that you’re the most important person in your life.
Do love them.
Respect? Yes, absolutely.
Gifts? Hell yeah !
Do anything which you can to keep your significant other happy. Because they’re worth it.
But not at the cost of losing your self-worth.

* Be sure of who you’re expressing your feelings to. Not everyone is going to respect them. Not everyone is going to safeguard them. Not everyone is going to reciprocate 
Some are going to ignore.
Some are going to make fun.
And some will go to the extent of playing with .

* When you cannot figure out when is the right time to leave, then probably NOW is the right time.

* Do not build goals around people. Do not make one person the center of your entire life. Because when they leave, which they will ; you’ll not be able to figure out your purpose for life. Which makes living difficult. Which makes you wonder what to wake up for the next morning. Which stops you from giving your best into the things you do.
You’re just living, but you’re not alive.

* No matter what, life has to go on.
Yes. The Sun isn’t going to stop itself from rising tomorrow because I feel like sleeping longer. Have to pull myself back together as soon as possible.

* Go for the one who loves you than for the one who you love. There is this saying which is stuck in my mind since long ‘ I lost diamonds while I was busy collecting stones ‘
Sometimes you’re too involved in loving a person. That you ignore the world around. You ignore all the other people who love you. To whom you’re the dearest. You choose that one person above all. Above everyone. It feels like a dream.
Then that person leaves.
Which wakes you up.
Which makes you come out of your dreamy world and then the reality strikes.
You wonder Wtf where you doing with your life all this while.
And then all you’re left with regrets and memories 🙂

I promise. The next post is going to be different. It’s not going to be a ‘me crying all the time’ post.

And to you Miss.
Please do not take any of the things which I’ve written to your heart.
Little bit of regrets. But no grudges.
Not your fault. Not mine.
Love you oceans :*

Family#2

The last time when I spoke about my family. I thought I had covered everyone. But I had missed writing about a very important person. Someone who doesn’t have a blood relation with me. Someone who wasn’t gifted by God to me. Someone who I Chose to be a part of my family.
My Girl Best Friend.

It’s been several years now. Having a best friend of the opposite gender is always something special.

Love without complications?
Then love your best friend.

She is the only female friend who all my male friends know about. It’s not that I go up to them and tell them about her. ( I would love to do that Bcz I am so proud of having her as my bestfrnd. But I don’t ) But I spend most of my time with her, so its but natural that all my other friends know about her.

My parents know about her really well. When I tell my mom that I m going out with friends and do not reply to her ‘which friends are you going out with’ ( i have various groups, school , college, educational courses, other courses) then she understands its Her.
When I ask my Dad for a couple of hours of break at work to hang out with friends , He understands its Her. (Because I DO NOT prioritize my friends over work. But she’s special )

I have her Mom’s number. I talk random stuffs with her mom. She’s very kind hearted and a really calm person. Her mom knows when she comes out with me. May be she trusts that Her daughter is safe when she is with me. May be. May be not. Who cares. It is She alone who matters to me.

Life felt perfect when she was around.
The Zero awkwardness. Inside talks. Dirty jokes. Unlimited laughter. If I can be nothing but my self with someone then it is with Her.

Shity day and then talking with her for sometime before going to sleep made everything alright. I am the happiest when with Her. I’ve learnt so many things from her. So much of what I am today is because of her.
And then . .
I fell in love with her.
Oops.

So, we were returning back home after an amusement park trip. No, both of us did not go alone. Me and few of her cousins. All of us were really tired after the entire day’s fun and madness. Rest of them were sitting in the front seats. Me and Her were sitting at the back. Behaving like none of them exist.
So this is when I felt she’s the one . . .

I was listening to music and relaxing as I was really tired. She was resting as well, right beside me.
All of a sudden something strikes me and I pinch her and wake her up.

Her- what the hell is wrong with you. Why would u pinch me so hard while I am sleeping?
Me- I want you to listen to something, pleaseeee. ( I give her one side of my ear phone)
Her- okay fine , give it to me.

I play ‘Be with you’ by Akon then..

Half way past the song and I hold her hand tight. She looks at me and smiles.
I start singing along.
‘ You are my everything
In my life see the joy you bring
Ain’t no one I can compare you to.
And I know, that you will never walk away from me no matter what
That’s why I plan to do the same thing for you.
And I want you to know
That I don’t care what they say
And I don’t care what they do
I am gonna Be with you ‘

When the song ends. She whispers into my ear ‘that’s really sweet of you..’
The dim car light.
Breezy weather.
Me and Her alone in the back seat.
I tell her ‘this is the perfect time for our first kiss,  I’ve seen it in movies’
Her- Shut up. Don’t dream too much.
Me- I miss my ex girlfriend. If she was here she would have kissed me.
*Boom*
She slaps me.
I’ve been slapped a lot by my teachers during my school. By not as hard as she did.
Her- You’ve wasted a lot of time of your life behind her. Now don’t you dare even think about her.
Me- okay. You could have even told that politely.
Her- okay I am sorry.
*She rubs my cheek and gives me a peck on my cheek*
* I smile the widest *

Long story short.
I fell in love with her.
She did not.
Friendzoned -.-
Slowly we started distancing ourselves from each other .
Awkwardness started creeping in .
And now we have reached a point when we do not even talk to each other .
A part of me does not exist anymore.
A side which only came out when she was around.
She went to this ice cream parlor which had a picture of a cow.
And then she decides she’ll call me ‘Moo’
And when someone else calls me by that name she says ‘only I can’

I never wanted to leave.
But the time when I realised, she’s more happier without me than when she’s with me.
I knew it’s time to leave.
At the end of the day all I wanted was, her to be happy.
I know she’ll read this.
I know, the moment she reads she’ll know it is Her who I am talking about.
I do not want us to end because of unspoken words.
Because of unexpressed feelings.
I miss You .
I miss Us.
A Lot.
Always Yours.